Monster in Law

So, I have the Wedding Blog, right…? A few days ago I blogged a question about what YOU wish you had known about marriage or your partner before tying the knot… and got quite an influx of comments basically saying “I wish I had known how difficult my MIL would be” etc etc… all along that vein. Some of the comments were diplomatic, and I published them, others, not so much, and I didn’t publish them… The reason for this is that the blog is publicised to friends and family………. and my MIL… Now, she and I are not “besties” by any stretch of the imagination (although I think we have reached a *civilised* relationship *holds.thumbs*) – and I really didn’t want her to think the very mean comments were “planted” and planned…

 

Anyway – I’m rambling… What I want to know is how is your mother-in-law? Is she awesome or awful? Any tips or advice? Why is it that MIL’s come with such a stigma attached to them? Why is it so difficult to find someone who adores their MIL? Why do MIL’s generally insist on meddling and interfering with the children-in-law’s lives? Why can’t we all just get along…?

 

Would love to hear some horror stories :p

 

Comments (6)

TCJuly 8th, 2011 at 12:51 pm

my mother in law is just beautiful. She is warm, caring, loving, full of fun and energy. She is close to 74 and has the beans and gumption to exhaust a 3 year old. It is such a treat to have her come visit me – she cooks and bakes all our favorites. She’s taught me how to make pickles & crochet. She just loves us all ;) When her son misbehaves she has a sweet way of realigning him – when it’s just the two of us, her advice is simple – ‘do what’s right for you, we love you’.

if you are really good I will lend her to you for a bit but you need to take her to the casino to recharge her battery ;)

she really is the bomb – hope you get one like mine

cat@juggling actJuly 8th, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Oh my MIL is stunning. It’s my mom that is the problem in our household. My MIL comes to visit, gives all her attention to the kids, defrosts and cleans my freezer and leaves it newly stocked with cooked meals. I just love her.

We did not star off this great though – we had to learnt o understand each other. I had to learnt hat she has a huge minority complex – when I found that out, I knew how to deal with her. Lift her up,a nd she will lift you up too. And I realized she can not make decisions. My FIL and us have made a clever arrangement to get past that one.

So now, I think I have the best MIL in the world!

AngelJuly 8th, 2011 at 7:08 pm

I got real lucky when I met my Glugster! His mom and I got on from the day we met and we have a fabulous relationship!
She doesn’t meddle, she doesn’t criticise, she doesn’t gossip. She loves it if we visit but doesn’t expect us to do so. After my hubby told her about the knucklehead’s ADHD she started reading up on it and has even attended a seminar!

GinaJuly 8th, 2011 at 10:16 pm

My always thought my mom would be ‘the’ mother-in-law, turns out I was wrong… Although I think my mom is just happy someone wanted to marry me ;)
My MIL on the other hand can be very difficult.
Thats not to say she isnt a nice person, she is. She can be absolutely amazing but she is very very difficult.
She likes things to be done her way and she tends to sulk if peple dont do what she wants, but, she also wont tell you what it is that she wants or what has upset her. She tends to hold things in for ages and ages then we get called to a ‘family meeting’ where a list of transgressions is given. Drives me nuts. Also, she will tell you she wants to have one of these meetings, so you say, sure, how bout I come past later, oh no, she can only meet next week… so you ask what its about and she says that we can discuss ut then! Ive learnt now, I tell her if she doesnt tell me then Im not meeting her.
She also tends to make veiled comments about our parenting, she constantly tells us how worried she is about Aarons weight and he isnt eating enough. Or he looks cold, doesnt he have a thicker/warmer/better jersey. At face value it just sounds caring but after a while you realise its actually a critisism. She also once told me (when Aaron was having a particularly bad AaronTantrum) that if he was her child he wouldnt behave that way, she would have klapped it out of him! I told her it was a good thing he wasnt her child then and walked away.
That being said, she isnt a complete monster, she always makes a plan to see the kids and takes Aaron for an ice cream to give us a small break. She has helped us out of a tight spot or two without a single word of condemnation. She goes out of her way to make special keepsakes for us and the kids, like a beautiful embroidered jewellery box for me and embroidered quilts for the kids.
And she carries a brag book with the kids pictures in it wherever she goes.
Its taken me almost 8 years but Im finally starting to learn to handle her properly and that makes our relationship much easier…

ShayneJuly 10th, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I have a pretty ok MIL. She is an amazing granny to my girls – they really are her first priority when we visit (or when they visit us). She gets up early with them, feeds them, amuses them, bakes with them etc etc. Spoils them rotten. really does what a granny should do with her grandkidlets.

we got off to a fantastic start when I first met her, but then i think she realised that I was not going to be walked over and things started shifting somewhat. however, we are now at the space where i appreciate her for who she is and the amazing son she raised. She is always here for us, will try and help whenever she can. she can be very opinionated, but i have learn’t that that is just who she is (and she is never wrong either), and once i accepted that things have been fine.

her and her husband are pretty awesome in-laws actually and I know without a doubt that they will always be there for me & my girls, and obviously my husband.

i think the trick is accepting them for who they are (as cat says) and learning to work around it. Practice makes perfect as they say.

PS – reson for being MIA is that i lost you blog link, my pc died etc etc.

Love your pony pics btw – you look so gorgeous :)

MadeleinJuly 13th, 2011 at 7:17 am

Ditto Gina’s version of MIL. Bar the family meets. She likes to bond with stupid little fights. If I ignore her comments and just smile and wave we get along fine.

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